2020 Reflections

 It was suggested to me to do some writing on my honest feelings about this year, no plans to sugar coat this post. 

If you choose to continue reading well...buckle up. 

2020 has been nothing short of horrible and that was even after 2019 being a tough year, a lot has happened and I'm going to try to explain each thing and how it has effected my life. 

Starting with the pandemic since that is the main issue surrounding everything else. 

Social distancing is an absolutely awful concept, one I never ever imagined being a thing in this lifetime. 

After the first initial lockdown simmered down a bit and returning to work a lot of things were still closed and so life was really dull & boring, couldn't go dine in at food establishments and to add to that one of my favorites went out of business because of the pandemic so its poof gone and not able to enjoy on a regular basis anymore. 

No fun places to go, no concerts, no festivals, nothing. 

A lot of parks were closed so one of my preferred exercise locations were not optional for what felt like forever. 

A vacation got postponed for months literally days prior to going. 

The one thing that I always had to look forward to no matter what else was going on in life is church and saying that I mean in the way things were before Covid happened and for a a long while that was taken away too and even though its kind of back...its just not the same with masks and social distancing changing the atmosphere. 

Then July came and I was faced with the devastating grief of losing my neighbor right smack dab in the middle of the pandemic, wouldn't wish it on anyone having to go through that pain while being told to stay 6 feet apart from others, especially since the community around my neighborhood treated me like an outcast after it happened, the current way of life meant was there was no receiving the kind of comfort  desperately needed then. 

I was DEPRESSED 

not under any condition did I imagine the issue occurring for myself but the pandemic broke me. 

The battle with my health is still ongoing which was also made harder since the attempts to get a diagnosis had to be put off, since the last time I updated on this; got rejected by the UDN, having to restart a referral for another clinic because it got lost in the shuffle with the emphasis on covid for a lot of clinics and hospitals.

People keep asking me how my wrist is since it is in a brace most of the time but the difficult truth is due to the delay in pursuing answers it is likely permanently damaged with the other one slowly headed in the same direction. 

speaking of health related things having allergies when people are so stuck deep down in their fear is terrible, doesn't not even matter if you are wearing a mask because people will still see you as a threat. 

The months go by and all the exciting and fun filled events just keep getting canceled one after another even when some start to look like they might still go on.... nope, hopes get dashed and those are gone. 

Just trying to have any normalcy in life causes people to shame others, mistreat them and make appalling accusations and its simply plainly disgusting. 

My relationship with my brother has been a roller-coaster for years now of course the pandemic has put an even bigger strain of hurt and damage that really needs in person time to try to fix and deal with but all the rules and restrictions have put a stop to it for the time being. 

I'm tired of all of it, and it feels like a gut punch when I hear others say that this is our "new normal" and to get use to living this way but it shouldn't be and none of us should be accepting of it!!  

Can you honestly say that you are ok with not seeing the joy on people's faces that are now covered with masks? 

You're ok with spending so much time away from loved ones when tomorrow isn't promised?? 

You accept this way of life that has caused so many jobs and livelihoods to be lost?? 

You don't miss simple pleasures like samples at the store?? 

and you are really ok with people suffering from the sadness of isolation??  

it certainly does not make me feel better knowing that all of this will probably trickle into 2021 if not longer... 

did you read on this far? 

I would like to say good riddance to 2020 soon but if we are still stuck like this into the new year what's the point of us saying goodbye to it if nothing changes??